An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
