best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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