Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
