So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
