My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize