chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
