moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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