so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
one might say we're banned from that church
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
