I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Nicole vs. Life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
