I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
