Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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