I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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