After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
