There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
