Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
