It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she looked like the before picture.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
