remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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