sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
