Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
