Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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