Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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