take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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