can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
