what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Barsexuality is the new black.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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