Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As shirtless as possible
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
