It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
