My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
