I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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