It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
