Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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