I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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