Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We need to get me chipped asap
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