Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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