just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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