Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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