I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
