I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
