My sheets look like a crime scene.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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