did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
