You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
