i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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