i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
