What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He passed out mid-signature
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
