so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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