I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
