ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
