Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
