Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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