A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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