just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
