winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
