I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize