Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
