Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
