I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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