herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
