so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We got so high we made milksteak
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
