What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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