He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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