remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
