Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
how drunk are you?
Several
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
