Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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