rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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