so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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