she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
