thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
