i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
