What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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