the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
