I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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