Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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