i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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