The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
