And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
