you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
