i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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