oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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