once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
